19 May 09 One Year Later…
It was one year ago that I came out. I was about to have my first day at my new job working in the heart of The Castro district in San Francisco and I couldn’t have been more nervous. Hitting the publish button last year was the scarriest day I can remember. It also turned out to be one of the best days of my life. So much great feedback from people on here, Twitter, Facebook, all over the web, and in real life as well.
One year later I couldn’t even imagine going back to being in the closet. It was such a liberating feeling. My family was accepting, my friends were accepting, and I think that the country has become more accepting. Every few weeks there are news stories about other states lifting gay marriage bans. It is really an amazing time to be living in for people in the community.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbWDNM0wuAc[/youtube]
I can’t say that everything the past year was easy, but I’ve been a happier and healthier person. I used to experience severe fits of depression, and they are very few and far between now, and less severe. I’m still keeping the weight off which I lost last year. I am just healthier than I’ve ever been in most of my life, mentally and physically.
I still haven’t found a relationship or a really close friend, but I think I am becoming better friends with the ones I have, and I dated someone for the first time in over 7 years. I’m sure happiness and love will come in time, until then just ignore my rants on Twiter about love not existing. 
If you are thinking about coming out…do so. It will be one of the best things you could ever do. I haven’t regretted doing it for a moment.
Tags: closet, come out, coming out, gay, gay marriage, relationships, the castro
04 Jan 09 Dinner, Water, & Diet Coke
Last night this guy who I’ve sort of known off and on for a little while now asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. We had sort of tentatively made plans to go out for drinks the night before, but I ended up in Berkeley Friday night with other friends, and couldn’t make it. I suggest this place in The Castro called Brandy Ho’s around 8pm (btw not a good idea for a dinner if you are going to be out all night, as it sets heavy on your stomach). The conversation was great and we had a good time getting to know each other.
My friend Martina and I were talking earlier in the day when I was deciding if I wanted to go. I sort of thought the guy was attractive, but felt like I might be forcing myself to like him if things didn’t go well because I want a relationship, or as Marcus says, “I’m relationship orientated.” Actually Marcus said that about Andy (the guy from last night).
After dinner we go to The Mix and it is really loud. I’m getting over a cold and with the loud noise, I had to speak louder then normal, and wound up nearly losing my voice by the end of the night. Here at The Mix is where things started to go downhill. He would mention this guy or that guy was hot, and I sort of just brushed it off, or was like, oh yeah I guess…. Well this didn’t stop there.
Oh let me explain the title of this post. I sort of went off my diet between Christmas day and New Year’s…so I decided to re-start the induction phase of Atkins, which means no more then 20 carbs a day, and no BAD carbs..aka beer. I’ve never liked the taste of alcohol at all, and can only barely stand the taste of beer & wine, so when I go out that is what I drink. I haven’t had a drink in about a week now, so I’ve been drinking diet coke and water when I go out.
We head to The Lookout for Social Club and blow right by the $4 cover as we were on the list and knew the promoter. Some other friends were there including Marcus, Aaron, and a number of other people. Andy is drinking vodka cran’s all night and I don’t mind while I’m drinking my waters and diet cokes. It was very busy at The Lookout with tons of hot guys, and Andy kept pointing that out.
Subplot: I ran into this guy at The Lookout who I apparently I had spoken with during a party at The Castro Street Fair. I unfortunately couldn’t remember him, but we talked for a few minutes and he seemed like a really nice guy…and cute.
Andy late in the night (around 1am) tells me he wants to go to Badlands because…AND I QUOTE, “I can tell I am not going to meet anyone here tonight.” Now here is where the evening really took a turn for the worse. Marcus had asked me when we go to The Lookout how it was going, 1 being OMG AMAZING, and 5 being shoot me now. I said 2 at the time…once Andy said this, I texted Marcus and said that the evening, “turned into a 4.”
We head to Badlands and it is packed, but not nearly as many hot guys. Andy gets pretty drunk at this point…while I’m drinking my water…and by the end of the night wants to dance…I barely dance when I’m drunk…sober, not going to happen. I go out to the dance area and stand there while he dances a bit, then sees a guy and goes over to start talking him up. I think the night is pretty much at level 5 now. He does a shot at last call and some guy buys him another one right after that. Him and this other guy (not even the one he was talking to) are now DRUNK.
Back to the subplot: While I was walking out, the guy from The Lookout was leaving Badlands as well. We talk for a bit and he says, “enjoy later tonight.” I explain to him that there I am going home alone tonight..and won’t be going home with Andy whatsoever. He says he is too, now we are being shuffled out the door, and I jokingly say, “oh really? Where do you live?” He was already out the door and I really had to go to the bathroom so I run back and go….STUPID ME! I should of gone out side and at least gotten his number. He was with this other guy all night, and I guess they were just friends by his last comment. I didn’t realize that until then, hence why I wasn’t more outgoing earlier. Hopefully I will see this guy again….
Well after I leave the bathroom I see Andy and this other drunk guy still inside. I am outside now, trying to find the guy who I was was mentioned in the subplot. I see the 33 bus coming and realize it will take me 3 blocks from home…it is REALLY cold last night and I didn’t feel like walking the 1 mile home, so I run to catch the bus and head home.
Andy texts me asking where I was…I said I was heading home…It seemed like I was a fall back if he didn’t find someone else. I didn’t really like that feeling, and while my actions with subplot guy were friendly, they weren’t out of line like the comments Andy was making all night.
He texted me this morning, and literally 10 seconds ago asking what I was up to. I think I’m going to hit up the gym then who knows what. I am sort of proud of myself that I didn’t say, ehh it is just sex and go home with Andy anyway.
Well…until my next “dinner” I guess…although they are unfortunately too few and far between.
Tags: andy, badlands, brandy ho, dinner, gay, marcus, night out, out, sf, social club, the castro, the lookout
