• 1) I remove the previous blog entry about “them”
• 2) Publicly disclose items on social media sites which would defame my character
• 3) Have sex with people I was a “jerk to” when I was at Steamworks (a gay sex club) and/or on Grindr.

This last claim is absolutely ridiculous, and also leads me to believe that apparently this person(s) is someone(s) that I didn’t sleep with, rejected, or even told off when they tried to advance on me sexually in a way I didn’t want. That might not be the case and I might be way off, but either way this person is disturbing and is the textbook definition of a stalker:

one who proceeds in a steady, deliberate, or sinister manner

That being said here is the conversation last night with this twisted individual. I had previously removed the Google Voice number this person was using to text me from, but I am again posting it. If you wish to say something to this person, please send a text to 415-449-0626. This is a Google Voice number and doesn’t seem to be attached to a phone, so only texting or leaving a voice mail will get through to the person(s).

I’ve had:

• My parents phone number listed on forums where people would call non-stop,
• I had people fax naked pictures into my place of employment,
• call my phone so much that I had to change my number a few times…and someone who worked for the cellular company I was with kept giving out my new number to these “haters.”
• I had 2 of my tires slashed while waiting in line for the first iPhone.
• I had people call up and pretend to have a job lined up for me when I was thinking of moving (thank God I didn’t fall for that one).
• I had people anonymously (oh and that is the BIGGEST THING…is that they ALWAYS are anonymous…when I put my entire life online, you have to hide behind your fake username, email address, etc) email my place of work threatening to never go to the establishment again because they employed a homeless person like myself, when I was saving for my surgery.
• I even have had someone call up the IRS and submit fake documentation that I was cheating on my taxes.

Most recently a few people have been texting me with personal information about my family, and myself. Here are the transcripts of the text messages being sent from a Google Voice number, once again showing the cowardice of the person hiding behind the anonymity of the internet.

As you can see the harassment has been non-stop and gotten worse over the years. I don’t need it, I didn’t ask for it, and I haven’t done a single thing like this to anyone else. The phone number I listed above is the FIRST time I’ve ever publicly given out information about another person who. I don’t even give phone numbers to mutual friends who ask me for them.

I am sick of this. I don’t know why people have all this extra time on their hands where they can sit around and try to fuck with me, but I am done with it. I am going to try to live my life for my self, and not for others. I want to try to back away from social media in a large role as I have been currently, and move into a more casual user. I am not going away forever, although that might be the best option right now. I just don’t want to have to deal with mean people any longer.

That all being said, there have been infinitely more positive people and friends I’ve made along the way, and feel free to keep in contact with me, thru DM or email, etc. It is just the people who are vindictive and evil who ruin it for everyone.

With all that being said….I’m out for a while….

Your Mom’s Box.

Update: It would seem as if the threatening has not stopped….This is what was texted last night:

Well first let me explain. The healing process for such invasive procedures like I got is lengthy. Full results aren’t instant. In fact most cosmetic surgeons will tell you that you will only see 90% of the final results 2 months after the procedure. I’m right at 3 weeks as of today, but I can tell you that I am happy.

While the results haven’t magically turned me into a skinny twink or anything, the surgeon was able to remove problem areas for me and I am quite happy.

I have to wear a compression garment for another few weeks, in order to make sure things stay in place, and heal properly. See with liposuction or any fat or skin removal, they have to remove the connection between the skin and muscle. This takes times to heal the connection and drain the fluid which resides in these areas.

My stomach is flatter than its ever been…I can look down and don’t see any excess bulging, whereas before right around my belly button I saw a mass of fat that simply wasn’t going away. Also my love handles are greatly curtailed, and I feel better when wearing jeans. My chest was another area where work was done, and while it isn’t completely flat, I am not as ashamed as I once was to show off my chest/torso.

All in all, I believe that the entire process was worth the end result. I again, still am not even close to finished healing. I still am in pain when touched, and still have stitches which occasionally cause me pain.

As far as can I see it? Hell no…I am still black/blue/yellow and every shade in between with bruises. I’m sure in time I will feel even more comfortable, but that isn’t going to happen until the bruising goes away.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and messages during my recovery, and an even bigger thanks to Michael Butler and his family for letting me stay with them before I returned to work a week after my procedure.

Today is the day…I know that I said before that it was canceled, postponed indefinitely, etc….but today is the day. I found a surgeon who I feel more comfortable with than any other Doctor which I’ve spoke with. He understood my problem areas including my back, chest, stomach, etc. I am going to be starting surgery about the time this blog post hits.

If you want to send me some love/feedback/well wishes, etc please feel free to Twitter me (@NickStarr) or leave a message in the comments below. Thanks for everyone’s support in the months and months I’ve saved up for this. I’m so excited that the day is finally here!

Time for an experiment…I’m going to sell my iPhone 3GS on eBay, and purchase a new Nexus One for AT&T. I will have it in conjunction with my iPad, so I won’t lose all the great apps I’ve purchased since owning my iPhone. I am going to give it a full go…no safety net, no iPhone I can fall back on. Give the Android platform and Google a full go…for a few months that is.

Once Apple announces an updated iPhone, I will make my decision, and of course share that decision with you, on if I will upgrade to it, or keep the Nexus One. Stay tuned to my Twitter and here on my gripes, and

My medical Doctor here in San Francisco gave me a pre-surgery physical as my surgeon wanted. As I stated before on here, I have a health issue which ultimately will be the death of me. Its because I am not doing well based on my labs, that my Doctor decided to write a letter to the surgeon saying that while nothing may go wrong, my risk for infection could be greater, but may not be.

It’s because of this letter that the surgeon called me up expressing his concern with proceeding and said that I come back within 3-6 months if I am doing better at that time.

HERE’S HOW THIS COULD HAD GONE DIFFERENTLY:

My surgeon wanted to do the physical, but since I was having the procedure done in Florida, it was easier for me to have the physical in San Francisco. I will now be looking for a surgeon either within the San Francisco area, or go with my second, and more expensive choice, in Florida, but have them do the physical.

EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR I SPOKE WITH…and I believe I had 6 consultations with various Doctors said that my condition wouldn’t be an issue in performing the surgery, or recovery. It’s because of one gray-ly worded letter from my medical Doctor that this entire thing has been put on the shelf. BTW, I have already called my rep at Kaiser and asked for a change in Doctors. I never want to see the face of the man who made 7 months of sleeping on the streets all a waste.

I am not sure how I will proceed. I might look for an apartment, and just continue saving and hope in 3-6 months I am ‘better’ and able to have the surgery, but more likely I will continue living on the streets in order to save up the extra ~$3000-5,000 needed to have the surgery done with a different surgeon, keeping my medical Doctor out of the loop.

I WILL HAVE THIS SURGERY WITHIN THE NEXT 196 DAYS…I DON’T CARE IF I HAVE TO CUT MYSELF OPEN IN ORDER TO HAVE IT DONE, IT WILL BE DONE!

Below is the updated info:

Jim - Jim started following me online around Pride 2009, where I had a very large break down mentally. Not the best time for a possible boyfriend to start reading about your life. One day he saw me on the Muni, and sent me an email on Facebook later that day. We hung out a few weeks later just as friends, getting to know each other, etc. He was kinda seeing this other guy at the time, and I didn’t want to impose or be a “home wrecker.” Our friendship blossomed, and we held hands one day. A few days later, I asked him out on a date. He said yes, and I remember him saying he enjoyed bowling. We went bowling on our date, grabbed ice cream, and just enjoyed each other’s company. A few days later, he said that this couldn’t continue due to a number of concerns he had. We stayed friends, and things eventually became romantic again, then he stopped it again…this happened about five more times (thus far as of writing this on Feb 24th). Every time with us getting close, sometimes kissing, sometimes more, sometimes less, and then almost as if he were to awake from some dream, his feelings would just as suddenly snap, and he wouldn’t even want to be friends. Jim is the closest I’ve gotten to any one person in San Francisco, and quite honestly since my best friend in high school over 10 years ago. I am uncertain of the future we have as friends, but I am hopeful that eventually we can work past these feelings we have and be friends.

Adam In Toronto - I met him the first night of a work trip in Toronto in the beginning of November 2009, we talked at The Barn and I ran into a guy I met the previous Toronto Trip, Phil. Adam and I hit it off and hung out every day while I was up there. We finally went out on our first and last date a few hours before I had to fly back to San Francisco. We sat down, had dinner, talked about our lives, goals, etc, but alas he lives in Canada, and I can’t immigrate there. He did come to San Francisco a few months later in February 2010 for 3 days, but things weren’t as we both remembered them, and it was a very strained trip…no dates, just showing him around SF and trying to not kill each other. We remain friends and hopefully will be able to stay that way for life, as for a relationship, I don’t see it in the works.

Leo - You can read all about the date with Leo here…let’s just say that he was already seeing someone else at the time, and at one point in the date even had him join us. Epic fail (on his and my part to be honest).

In all of this, with every single guy…I’ve been the person asking them out on a date. I’ve never in my entire life been asked out. That fact alone makes me realize that Nick/Tuck, and maybe in the future moving to a new city is something I might need…yet another new start and lease on life. Who knows what the future hold, but I am almost certain given my track wreck record, it isn’t anything good, and most certainly doesn’t involved someone who cares or loves me.

As it stands, by the day I get have the surgery I will had been homeless for 221 days, that is over SEVEN months! Despite what MANY (yes I am talking especially to you Dave Condie) have said along the way, I never went running home back to Florida, I never got in trouble with work, I never panicked and gave up; I stuck to my guns, sucked it up and look where I’m at now…ready for surgery! I know along the way I haven’t been the best with saving money, but I finally was able to accomplish my goal. I am hoping to find a place in early April to move in, but the following two weeks after the surgery I will be recovering at my parents house in Tampa Bay, Florida.

I’m very excited…I can’t wait to see the results. I hope to take a before picture to go along with an after picture, although I’ve never shown a picture of what I look like now (aka before), I might finally release that soon…

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes…can’t wait until the big day!

However, there has never been an entire song where I felt as if it were written by me, word for word. There’s been songs where bits and pieces fit my life, but Lily Allen managed to capture my life in her song 22. Here’s the music video, lyrics, or listen to the whole song here (iLike):

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she’s nearly 30 now and she’s out every night
I see that look in her face, she’s got that look in her eye
She’s thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She’s got an alright job but it’s not a career
Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
‘Cause all she wants is a boyfriend, she gets one night stands
She’s thinking how did I get here, I’m doing all that I can

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

Valentines Day is coming up, it’s a new year, and I figured I would full on into this online dating thing to see what happens. I signed up for OkCupid.com after my friend Kyle (@KyleHD on Twitter) showed me their iPhone app.

(BTW side note: Should this post be titled Online Dating… given it hasn’t yielded a single date?)

I can’t believe the phone call I made today. I called up my surgeon to schedule my cosmetic procedures. I am technically having three things done all at the same time, no not 10 like Heidi Montag. I am having an abdominoplasty, liposuction on my flanks (love handles), and gynecomastia (chest). I am VERY excited about having this all done on MARCH 9TH.

That being said, I did watch these videos online yesterday and it made me sick to my stomach. This is the first part of what I’m having done. Watch on an empty stomach (so to speak)…

Anyway…I can’t wait. Thanks to everyone for the support and kind words while I endured this trying time in order to accomplish this goal.

I played with it, got a T-Mobile pre-paid account so I could use 3G in San Francisco, and even tried it with my AT&T sim card. I just wasn’t impressed. The battery was drained the first day I used it after a full charge in 4 hours. I was using it as much if not a bit less than my iPhone 3GS, yet the battery just up and died by 9pm, when I left work at 5pm with a full charge. Needless to say I wasn’t happy. So I turned off the live background and other things, but still wasn’t able to get much more life out of it the next day.

My iPhone 3GS is jailbroken, so I’ve had the ability to run background apps (like steaming Pandora, while on Grindr, and sending texts), so that wasn’t anything new to me. The apps aren’t all that refined, and what the hell is with that horrific orange that shows up throughout the OS when you click on things, etc. I just wasn’t impressed, and it certainly wasn’t the iPhone killer for me that I had hoped it would be. I seriously missed my push notifications, and the only thing I found myself using was the Gmail app, since it was the best version of an email client I’ve seen.

Now, I call up HTC (the makers of the Google Nexus One) on January 7th, asking to return the phone, knowing full well that there was a $45 restocking fee. They said FedEx would email me a shipping label within 24 hours. 24 hours later, nothing. I call again, again am told wait 24 hours, nothing. I call the following Monday and ask WTF? They say 24 hours later; I wait, nothing. I now am calling on a daily basis 24 hours after my previous call, so that I make sure that maybe just maybe at the 23rd hour and 59th minute they might email me; nothing.

I am now told that my calls have been “escalated” yet there is no one that I am allowed to speak with at that department, and I ask for the highest ranking supervisor where this rep is. I’ve done this at least 4 times now, and always put on a 10-15 minute hold, and eventually told again that my case has been “escalated” and that to just wait. I was even told that I would have to wait until after the MLK holiday, and I did, still nothing. No phone calls, no emails (not even in my spam filter), nothing.

Today is the 14th day that I’ve tried to get some resolution, and still nothing. I am GLAD that I live in California where you have 30 days to return your Nexus One, but in every other state is 14 days. If I didn’t live in California, I would be stuck with this phone simply because FedEx hasn’t sent me a label?

Is Google doing this on purpose to stick people with the phone? I know Google only sold a disappointing 20,000 phones the first week, so are they trying to hold onto every sale they can? I don’t want this phone, I’ve canceled my T-Mobile account, and already gotten the check for my unused service. I want my money back for my Nexus One, I want a shipping label to send it back, and I just want to freaking return this phone. Someone help!

[bit.ly] [Digg]

2008 was such an amazing year. I lost all my weight, finally came out, was having a great time living it up in San Francisco, I don’t understand how 2009 could had gone so horrifically wrong.

That being said, I did want to provide a Nick Tuck update. I now have all of the funds for the surgery (there is again a complication in holding up a portion of it which I can’t get into), but I am all ready to go and have it done once those funds clear. I also was able to afford a new laptop with my bonus from my company, and am quite excited about that…so going into 2010 things are on an upswing.

In 2010, I plan on moving off the streets of San Francisco and back into an apartment (most likely a room for rent). I plan on being in the best physical shape of my life, not only because of the surgery, but through rigorous working out and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and diet.

I turn 30 this year, and I am really hoping that I can set myself to be ready for that when it comes by improving myself and trying to become the best person I can until then.

I guess that is my 2009 review…so much happened, and I’m sure there is so much more to come…until then.