Time for an experiment…I’m going to sell my iPhone 3GS on eBay, and purchase a new Nexus One for AT&T. I will have it in conjunction with my iPad, so I won’t lose all the great apps I’ve purchased since owning my iPhone. I am going to give it a full go…no safety net, no iPhone I can fall back on. Give the Android platform and Google a full go…for a few months that is.

Once Apple announces an updated iPhone, I will make my decision, and of course share that decision with you, on if I will upgrade to it, or keep the Nexus One. Stay tuned to my Twitter and here on my gripes, and

My medical Doctor here in San Francisco gave me a pre-surgery physical as my surgeon wanted. As I stated before on here, I have a health issue which ultimately will be the death of me. Its because I am not doing well based on my labs, that my Doctor decided to write a letter to the surgeon saying that while nothing may go wrong, my risk for infection could be greater, but may not be.

It’s because of this letter that the surgeon called me up expressing his concern with proceeding and said that I come back within 3-6 months if I am doing better at that time.

HERE’S HOW THIS COULD HAD GONE DIFFERENTLY:

My surgeon wanted to do the physical, but since I was having the procedure done in Florida, it was easier for me to have the physical in San Francisco. I will now be looking for a surgeon either within the San Francisco area, or go with my second, and more expensive choice, in Florida, but have them do the physical.

EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR I SPOKE WITH…and I believe I had 6 consultations with various Doctors said that my condition wouldn’t be an issue in performing the surgery, or recovery. It’s because of one gray-ly worded letter from my medical Doctor that this entire thing has been put on the shelf. BTW, I have already called my rep at Kaiser and asked for a change in Doctors. I never want to see the face of the man who made 7 months of sleeping on the streets all a waste.

I am not sure how I will proceed. I might look for an apartment, and just continue saving and hope in 3-6 months I am ‘better’ and able to have the surgery, but more likely I will continue living on the streets in order to save up the extra ~$3000-5,000 needed to have the surgery done with a different surgeon, keeping my medical Doctor out of the loop.

I WILL HAVE THIS SURGERY WITHIN THE NEXT 196 DAYS…I DON’T CARE IF I HAVE TO CUT MYSELF OPEN IN ORDER TO HAVE IT DONE, IT WILL BE DONE!

Below is the updated info:

Jim - Jim started following me online around Pride 2009, where I had a very large break down mentally. Not the best time for a possible boyfriend to start reading about your life. One day he saw me on the Muni, and sent me an email on Facebook later that day. We hung out a few weeks later just as friends, getting to know each other, etc. He was kinda seeing this other guy at the time, and I didn’t want to impose or be a “home wrecker.” Our friendship blossomed, and we held hands one day. A few days later, I asked him out on a date. He said yes, and I remember him saying he enjoyed bowling. We went bowling on our date, grabbed ice cream, and just enjoyed each other’s company. A few days later, he said that this couldn’t continue due to a number of concerns he had. We stayed friends, and things eventually became romantic again, then he stopped it again…this happened about five more times (thus far as of writing this on Feb 24th). Every time with us getting close, sometimes kissing, sometimes more, sometimes less, and then almost as if he were to awake from some dream, his feelings would just as suddenly snap, and he wouldn’t even want to be friends. Jim is the closest I’ve gotten to any one person in San Francisco, and quite honestly since my best friend in high school over 10 years ago. I am uncertain of the future we have as friends, but I am hopeful that eventually we can work past these feelings we have and be friends.

Adam In Toronto - I met him the first night of a work trip in Toronto in the beginning of November 2009, we talked at The Barn and I ran into a guy I met the previous Toronto Trip, Phil. Adam and I hit it off and hung out every day while I was up there. We finally went out on our first and last date a few hours before I had to fly back to San Francisco. We sat down, had dinner, talked about our lives, goals, etc, but alas he lives in Canada, and I can’t immigrate there. He did come to San Francisco a few months later in February 2010 for 3 days, but things weren’t as we both remembered them, and it was a very strained trip…no dates, just showing him around SF and trying to not kill each other. We remain friends and hopefully will be able to stay that way for life, as for a relationship, I don’t see it in the works.

Leo - You can read all about the date with Leo here…let’s just say that he was already seeing someone else at the time, and at one point in the date even had him join us. Epic fail (on his and my part to be honest).

In all of this, with every single guy…I’ve been the person asking them out on a date. I’ve never in my entire life been asked out. That fact alone makes me realize that Nick/Tuck, and maybe in the future moving to a new city is something I might need…yet another new start and lease on life. Who knows what the future hold, but I am almost certain given my track wreck record, it isn’t anything good, and most certainly doesn’t involved someone who cares or loves me.

As it stands, by the day I get have the surgery I will had been homeless for 221 days, that is over SEVEN months! Despite what MANY (yes I am talking especially to you Dave Condie) have said along the way, I never went running home back to Florida, I never got in trouble with work, I never panicked and gave up; I stuck to my guns, sucked it up and look where I’m at now…ready for surgery! I know along the way I haven’t been the best with saving money, but I finally was able to accomplish my goal. I am hoping to find a place in early April to move in, but the following two weeks after the surgery I will be recovering at my parents house in Tampa Bay, Florida.

I’m very excited…I can’t wait to see the results. I hope to take a before picture to go along with an after picture, although I’ve never shown a picture of what I look like now (aka before), I might finally release that soon…

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes…can’t wait until the big day!

However, there has never been an entire song where I felt as if it were written by me, word for word. There’s been songs where bits and pieces fit my life, but Lily Allen managed to capture my life in her song 22. Here’s the music video, lyrics, or listen to the whole song here (iLike):

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she’s nearly 30 now and she’s out every night
I see that look in her face, she’s got that look in her eye
She’s thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She’s got an alright job but it’s not a career
Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
‘Cause all she wants is a boyfriend, she gets one night stands
She’s thinking how did I get here, I’m doing all that I can

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

Valentines Day is coming up, it’s a new year, and I figured I would full on into this online dating thing to see what happens. I signed up for OkCupid.com after my friend Kyle (@KyleHD on Twitter) showed me their iPhone app.

(BTW side note: Should this post be titled Online Dating… given it hasn’t yielded a single date?)

I can’t believe the phone call I made today. I called up my surgeon to schedule my cosmetic procedures. I am technically having three things done all at the same time, no not 10 like Heidi Montag. I am having an abdominoplasty, liposuction on my flanks (love handles), and gynecomastia (chest). I am VERY excited about having this all done on MARCH 9TH.

That being said, I did watch these videos online yesterday and it made me sick to my stomach. This is the first part of what I’m having done. Watch on an empty stomach (so to speak)…

Anyway…I can’t wait. Thanks to everyone for the support and kind words while I endured this trying time in order to accomplish this goal.

I played with it, got a T-Mobile pre-paid account so I could use 3G in San Francisco, and even tried it with my AT&T sim card. I just wasn’t impressed. The battery was drained the first day I used it after a full charge in 4 hours. I was using it as much if not a bit less than my iPhone 3GS, yet the battery just up and died by 9pm, when I left work at 5pm with a full charge. Needless to say I wasn’t happy. So I turned off the live background and other things, but still wasn’t able to get much more life out of it the next day.

My iPhone 3GS is jailbroken, so I’ve had the ability to run background apps (like steaming Pandora, while on Grindr, and sending texts), so that wasn’t anything new to me. The apps aren’t all that refined, and what the hell is with that horrific orange that shows up throughout the OS when you click on things, etc. I just wasn’t impressed, and it certainly wasn’t the iPhone killer for me that I had hoped it would be. I seriously missed my push notifications, and the only thing I found myself using was the Gmail app, since it was the best version of an email client I’ve seen.

Now, I call up HTC (the makers of the Google Nexus One) on January 7th, asking to return the phone, knowing full well that there was a $45 restocking fee. They said FedEx would email me a shipping label within 24 hours. 24 hours later, nothing. I call again, again am told wait 24 hours, nothing. I call the following Monday and ask WTF? They say 24 hours later; I wait, nothing. I now am calling on a daily basis 24 hours after my previous call, so that I make sure that maybe just maybe at the 23rd hour and 59th minute they might email me; nothing.

I am now told that my calls have been “escalated” yet there is no one that I am allowed to speak with at that department, and I ask for the highest ranking supervisor where this rep is. I’ve done this at least 4 times now, and always put on a 10-15 minute hold, and eventually told again that my case has been “escalated” and that to just wait. I was even told that I would have to wait until after the MLK holiday, and I did, still nothing. No phone calls, no emails (not even in my spam filter), nothing.

Today is the 14th day that I’ve tried to get some resolution, and still nothing. I am GLAD that I live in California where you have 30 days to return your Nexus One, but in every other state is 14 days. If I didn’t live in California, I would be stuck with this phone simply because FedEx hasn’t sent me a label?

Is Google doing this on purpose to stick people with the phone? I know Google only sold a disappointing 20,000 phones the first week, so are they trying to hold onto every sale they can? I don’t want this phone, I’ve canceled my T-Mobile account, and already gotten the check for my unused service. I want my money back for my Nexus One, I want a shipping label to send it back, and I just want to freaking return this phone. Someone help!

[bit.ly] [Digg]

2008 was such an amazing year. I lost all my weight, finally came out, was having a great time living it up in San Francisco, I don’t understand how 2009 could had gone so horrifically wrong.

That being said, I did want to provide a Nick Tuck update. I now have all of the funds for the surgery (there is again a complication in holding up a portion of it which I can’t get into), but I am all ready to go and have it done once those funds clear. I also was able to afford a new laptop with my bonus from my company, and am quite excited about that…so going into 2010 things are on an upswing.

In 2010, I plan on moving off the streets of San Francisco and back into an apartment (most likely a room for rent). I plan on being in the best physical shape of my life, not only because of the surgery, but through rigorous working out and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and diet.

I turn 30 this year, and I am really hoping that I can set myself to be ready for that when it comes by improving myself and trying to become the best person I can until then.

I guess that is my 2009 review…so much happened, and I’m sure there is so much more to come…until then.

Ask me anything here

I’ve been a bit more depressed more than normal recently, but other than that things are same old same old. If things don’t line up with the money, I won’t be able to have Nick Tuck until March due to a scheduling conflict at work.

Well …. yeah … Have a good…. day off work.

[Short URL via Bit.ly]

“If I wouldn’t had just started seeing this guy seriously earlier this week, I would had totally taken you home and had sex with you.”

That ISN’T how the night started. It is technically where it ended, at least in my mind. Last night I went out with this very cute Russian guy I had met on Loopt Mix. (For the non-tech savvy, Loopt is a way of updating where you are so you know where your friends are and vice versa. Loopt Mix is a spin off where you can look for people of similar interests nearby, be it dating, friendship, sex, etc.) We decided to grab drinks at Marlena’s first, and set the time for 6:30. He had asked if 6 or 6:30 was better, I choose the later as I wasn’t sure how it would go.

I wasn’t really excited for the date, as I’ve recently as this week kinda stopped seeing/hanging out with/whatever (he is a whole novel wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma…and all for another day.) So, he was on my mind still and I didn’t have high expectations for the date. I’ve only been on 10 of them, and all of them 1st dates with 10 different guys…I don’t have much success.

I get there at 6:15 so I am early, but oh well. He texts me and informs me he won’t be there until 7, so now my 15 minutes early has turned into 45 minutes of waiting and well…drinking.

He shows up in bleached blonde hair; now this guy from earlier in the week I previously mentioned kept bugging me to dye my hair back to bleached blonde, and I did. LUCKILY, in a purging process, I dyed it back the night before the date to its natural dirty blonde. It would had just been silly two bleached blondes on a date. The conversation was okay…he talked a lot, and I laughed b/c I was nervous and wasn’t sure what to say.

We went to Katya Smirnoff-Skyy’s new stage show Katya’s Holiday Spectacular, and the two people in all of San Francisco who can’t stand me, and I’ve tried to reconcile with, are also in the crowd. Fuck my life. They also both know my date and start conversing with him, totally ignoring me as per usual. Fuck my life. The show was amazing, did I mention he is Russian, so seeing Katya, who plays a Russian red headed Countess with an amazing classically trained voice is even more special. He also has done drag and stood in when Katya couldn’t make it before.

The night continues and we head back to Marlena’s for a night of drag, music, booze, etc. We are now having a great time, being a bit flirty, tipsy, etc. Things weren’t going spectacular, but going well none the less.

Here is where I have to blame myself for being in the wrong. There was this really cute 21yr old guy with shaggy blonde hair, who he and I kept passing glances at each other. I couldn’t really do anything, but he followed me into the bathroom later on in the night. We talked for quite some time, exchanged information, and briefly kissed. BAD NICK, but okay whatever…the other guy never had a clue.

The bar is closing, and we hop in his car off to who knows where. Everything is closing, so we rush to the liquor store and grab a bottle of wine. While in the car outside talking, he says…

“If I wouldn’t had just started seeing this guy seriously earlier this week, I would had totally taken you home and had sex with you.”

Okay, so let’s be honest, sex is great, amazing, wonderful, fun, exciting, etc,but I am looking for a boyfriend. I didn’t really want to have sex on the first date…this is my new strategy on trying to get a 2nd date. Oh well…so he’s got this other guy…great. Now he is like, do you want to go to The Endup. I’ve never ended up there before, so I figure what the hell. On the way there, he picks up this guy he is seeing. WHAT THE FUCK? Awkward, right? Fuck my life.

We go to The Endup, pay the $20 cover, and go in. I wasn’t having any of this night any longer, so I sneak off outside when they are making out, and hop in a cab back to the weekly rental hotel I’m staying at this week, and off to bed.

Fuck my life.

This past weekend I went down to Tampa Bay, Florida to visit family, but mainly to get consults for the upcoming surgery. My parents want me to do it down there near them, so that I can spend my recovery time at their place, instead of in San Francisco. It makes sense, and the Doctor said the follow up appointments would all take place within the following 2 weeks of the surgery.

I am really looking forward to finally reaching my goal and being able to feel comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for everyone who has donated and the well wishers along the way. It’s been a long road, but the light is certainly at the end of the tunnel.

BTW I plan on writing a year end post soon, specifically describing my progress on reaching my goals of having an ACTUAL real friend in San Francisco, and boyfriend (or hell even a 2nd date). Stay tuned…