13 Dec 09 Datings a Drag…
“If I wouldn’t had just started seeing this guy seriously earlier this week, I would had totally taken you home and had sex with you.”
That ISN’T how the night started. It is technically where it ended, at least in my mind. Last night I went out with this very cute Russian guy I had met on Loopt Mix. (For the non-tech savvy, Loopt is a way of updating where you are so you know where your friends are and vice versa. Loopt Mix is a spin off where you can look for people of similar interests nearby, be it dating, friendship, sex, etc.) We decided to grab drinks at Marlena’s first, and set the time for 6:30. He had asked if 6 or 6:30 was better, I choose the later as I wasn’t sure how it would go.
I wasn’t really excited for the date, as I’ve recently as this week kinda stopped seeing/hanging out with/whatever (he is a whole novel wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma…and all for another day.) So, he was on my mind still and I didn’t have high expectations for the date. I’ve only been on 10 of them, and all of them 1st dates with 10 different guys…I don’t have much success.
I get there at 6:15 so I am early, but oh well. He texts me and informs me he won’t be there until 7, so now my 15 minutes early has turned into 45 minutes of waiting and well…drinking.
He shows up in bleached blonde hair; now this guy from earlier in the week I previously mentioned kept bugging me to dye my hair back to bleached blonde, and I did. LUCKILY, in a purging process, I dyed it back the night before the date to its natural dirty blonde. It would had just been silly two bleached blondes on a date. The conversation was okay…he talked a lot, and I laughed b/c I was nervous and wasn’t sure what to say.
We went to Katya Smirnoff-Skyy’s new stage show Katya’s Holiday Spectacular, and the two people in all of San Francisco who can’t stand me, and I’ve tried to reconcile with, are also in the crowd. Fuck my life. They also both know my date and start conversing with him, totally ignoring me as per usual. Fuck my life. The show was amazing, did I mention he is Russian, so seeing Katya, who plays a Russian red headed Countess with an amazing classically trained voice is even more special. He also has done drag and stood in when Katya couldn’t make it before.
The night continues and we head back to Marlena’s for a night of drag, music, booze, etc. We are now having a great time, being a bit flirty, tipsy, etc. Things weren’t going spectacular, but going well none the less.
Here is where I have to blame myself for being in the wrong. There was this really cute 21yr old guy with shaggy blonde hair, who he and I kept passing glances at each other. I couldn’t really do anything, but he followed me into the bathroom later on in the night. We talked for quite some time, exchanged information, and briefly kissed. BAD NICK, but okay whatever…the other guy never had a clue.
The bar is closing, and we hop in his car off to who knows where. Everything is closing, so we rush to the liquor store and grab a bottle of wine. While in the car outside talking, he says…
“If I wouldn’t had just started seeing this guy seriously earlier this week, I would had totally taken you home and had sex with you.”
Okay, so let’s be honest, sex is great, amazing, wonderful, fun, exciting, etc,
but I am looking for a boyfriend. I didn’t really want to have sex on the first date…this is my new strategy on trying to get a 2nd date. Oh well…so he’s got this other guy…great. Now he is like, do you want to go to The Endup. I’ve never ended up there before, so I figure what the hell. On the way there, he picks up this guy he is seeing. WHAT THE FUCK? Awkward, right? Fuck my life.
We go to The Endup, pay the $20 cover, and go in. I wasn’t having any of this night any longer, so I sneak off outside when they are making out, and hop in a cab back to the weekly rental hotel I’m staying at this week, and off to bed.
Fuck my life.
Tags: date, drag show, Endup, Loopt Mix, Marlenas, nick starr, sf
07 Dec 09 Nick’s January Tuck
Well if all the stars are aligned, it seems as if I will be having my surgery in January. There is one private matter which might hold up things in terms of affording the surgery by then, but hopefully everything works out soon and I am able to set a date. Also, I should have the money to be able to afford to get off the streets and into an apartment by the time I get back from the surgery (if not sooner).
This past weekend I went down to Tampa Bay, Florida to visit family, but mainly to get consults for the upcoming surgery. My parents want me to do it down there near them, so that I can spend my recovery time at their place, instead of in San Francisco. It makes sense, and the Doctor said the follow up appointments would all take place within the following 2 weeks of the surgery.
I am really looking forward to finally reaching my goal and being able to feel comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for everyone who has donated and the well wishers along the way. It’s been a long road, but the light is certainly at the end of the tunnel.
BTW I plan on writing a year end post soon, specifically describing my progress on reaching my goals of having an ACTUAL real friend in San Francisco, and boyfriend (or hell even a 2nd date). Stay tuned…
19 Oct 09 Being (a better) Nick Starr
I have had a number of people ask me where I’ve been the past few weeks online, as I am posting to Twitter and Facebook far less than I previously had. I’ve been hanging out with someone new in my life (please don’t get excited, my ‘never had a second date with a guy curse‘ still stands), and he has unknowingly had a large impact on how I think about things.
When we first met, he was already following me on Twitter and sent me a message that he ran into me on the Muni one day. After hanging out for a while, he got to know the ‘real me’ and see beyond what is just online. I started to realize that he expected me to break down or jump of a bridge at a moments notice, and didn’t like that he had already had those thoughts in the back of his head about who I was based solely what he read online.
So, I’ve been posting less, trying to post more positive things, and cut out the negativity. It is difficult to find someone to spend time with and get to know on a deeper level (anywhere you go, but it seems to be especially true in the gay community and in San Francisco). I don’t want to start off things 10 steps behind because of something they read online or heard about me from a friend.
So I am trying to ‘re-image’ myself, and get rid of the negativity from my life. I am not going to tolerate seeing negative posts and comments on my Facebook account, and will be removing people who want to push their negativity upon me.
I am also closer than ever to getting my Nick Tuck surgeries, and estimate that I will be able to afford them this upcoming January, well within my goal of getting it done before I turn 30. I am very excited about this and look forward to completing the transformation I started over 2 years ago when I first moved to San Francisco to discover myself and become the best version of myself (mentally, physically, emotionally, etc) that I can be.
Tags: better, change, gay, negativity, Nick Tuck, nicks tuck, positive, san francisco, sf, surgery, Twitter
22 Sep 09 A History of Dating Nick
I am sick of people trying to blame me exclusively for not being able to get a second date with a guy…so let me run down my history of dating thus far with guys. This is a list of guy’s I’ve legitimately gone out with and we both knew it was a real date.
Michael P- I talked to Michael online, bumped into him at a bar one night, etc. I was never really that attracted to him in the end, plus sexually we weren’t a match, well at least I thought so. We hung out for a while because our friends were mostly the same and we ended up in the same places together. We went out on our own but ultimately I wasn’t into him and we weren’t dating/exclusive/etc and I hooked up with someone else and that is how that ended.
Jovan - A hookup which lead to a dinner, and no where else. I didn’t even want to go on the dinner with him.
Junior - He passed out in the bathroom of the cocktail mixer we were attending because he was on a number of drugs at the time. I tried contacting him numerous times after this, and eventually heard from him months and months later. Something about a rough time in his life, embarrassed because of what happened, etc.
Ben - Ben and I went and had a great time together at this tech event at 21st Amendment. We heard about this other party thru a friend, and with this friend headed to the other party. The next morning the host of the party and my iPhone were missing. Ben was blamed, I was blamed, it turned into this huge controversy online, police were called to question Ben if he took the phones, and after that he wanted no part of hanging out with ‘my friends’ or people like that at the party who would blame him simply b/c they didn’t know him. To this day no one knows who took the phones, as they were ‘anonymously returned.’
Michael D- Michael was the closest to a …well…I don’t even know. When we first met we hooked up, we would see each other nearly every day, but it was more as friends. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t hold hands, we never had sex again. In the end we hated each other and no longer talk.
Alfredo - He was such a great guy. We hung out and while we did end up having sex on the first date, we still talked and things seemed to be going well. He invited me out to brunch a few days later, which one might think would be a date, but it was to tell me that he was accepted to college in Santa Barbara, and would be leaving in the next few weeks, and didn’t want to get emotionally involved in a situation where he knew he would be leaving.
Dawson - We hung out and had a great evening. Later on that night, after we had parted ways, I find out that he had a great evening the night previously with my neighbor. I’m not sure if he found out that I knew he was going out on dates with multiple people or not, and I did hear that he changed rehab programs and was staying in a different rehab facility, but never heard from him after that.
So it isn’t like I’m saying something stupid to scare these people away…it just hasn’t ended up working out. Things seem to come up which screw up what could be a good thing, but alas maybe that is fate, and maybe I am destined to just be single forever, but don’t say that is MUST be my fault, and that I always sleep with the guy on the first date.
31 Aug 09 One month…bites
Well today marks the end of my first month living on the streets on San Francisco. I can’t say that it has been extremely hard, but it certainly hasn’t been a fun camping adventure either. It has been somewhere in the middle I guess.
As of this week, I will be approaching around $2,000 saved. It would be more if there weren’t a few major financial snafu’s along the way this past month, but hopefully that won’t happen again.
I really only have slept in five total spots around the city outside so far. The first was where I slept the first night, outside my old apartment on the cold sidewalk, and don’t plan on doing anymore sidewalk sleeping if I can help it. The other locations I am keeping to myself as I don’t want them compromised and it is a pain to scout out new ones.
The biggest issue I’ve run into is bugs. I didn’t realize how many there are here in SF. Currently, I can easily spot over 35 bug bites on my face, and numerous other ones all over my body. When I sleep I usually keep my face outside the sleeping bag to keep cool, but also it isn’t really long enough. I’ve bought bug spray, but it hasn’t seemed to help much.
Besides my giant 23+lb backpack I really am not outwardly showing any of the signs associated with most homeless people, namely bad smelling, darkened and hardened skin, worn out clothes, etc. I shower daily after my 30 minutes of cardio at the gym and change my clothes on a daily basis after putting on a bit of cologne.
I am really hoping to save up the $8,000 necessary for major surgery, my abdominoplasty, by Chirstmas Day, and hopefully the projections show I will be able to. We will see.
I do have two great friends who are offering their couches, which fold into beds on pretty much one night a weekly basis right now which helps break up the stress, fear, bug bites, and everything else associated with sleeping outdoors. Thanks again to them.
I guess that is it for this update one month in…oh my birthday is September 11th, less than 2 weeks from now. I had a credit with SWA so I am flying up to Seattle to see some guys I know up there and get out of San Francisco for a weekend. I also am traveling back home to Florida to see my family and to spread my grandfather on my father’s side ashes as he just passed away.
12 Aug 09 It’s NOT Lipo
I am sick and tired of people commenting online and in person that I have gone homeless for liposuction…I am not fat (anymore) like a majority of Americans. I lost 100lbs and have kept it off for over a year now. 
Because I grew up heavy and my entire life until I decided to diet and exercise I was overweight, I have excess skin from a lifetime of being fat. I’ve had consultations with a few different plastic surgeons, who ALL agree that the proper procedure for me is an abdominoplasty, aka tummy tuck.
So don’t lump me in with these fat gross messes who choose not to the weight on their own…I FUCKING DID! I just want to complete the process, and finally feel good about how I look with my shirt off.
Tags: abdomenplasty, abdominoplasty, fat, liposuction, surgery, tuck, tummy tuck, weightloss
03 Aug 09 Questions and Answers
After one night on the streets, I will say that it is going to be tough, but I hope that this venture only lasts around 6 months in order to save the money I need for the first part of my surgery, aka $8,000.
It is a bit time consuming for me to answer everyone’s questions each and every time they are asked, especially since most of the questions are repeated, so I will list them here, answer them, and update this post if need be.
Q) Why are you homeless? Is it some sort of social experiment?
A) No it isn’t some sort of social experiment. I have gone through this answer numerous times here, here, here, and here. The bottom line is that I lost 100lbs and I for my body to adjust properly to the weight loss, it is recommended by multiple doctors that I get an abdominoplasty, aka tummy tuck, to get rid of the excess skin and residual fat. To get my torso in the most presentable fashion, it is also recommended that I get my flanks fixed as well as the removal of my Gynecomastia, aka male breasts, treated.
Q) Why not just save up and live some where?
A) I’ve NEVER been good with money, as evidenced in the course of my 20-some years here on earth. I have a horrible credit score, I have wage garnishment for my student loans, and basically live paycheck to paycheck. I can’t get financing for a $300 credit card, and was barely able to find a bank to offer me a checking account. I’ve been with my current job a little over a year now, and lived in one of the cheapest places I’ve ever seen in San Francisco at $775/month. I would scrape by paycheck to paycheck, often not having enough for food or anything else by the time the next paycheck came along.
I lived in my car for a little over a year before, and find rent to be one of the largest and unnecessary expenses in my life. I KNOW that 99.99% of you don’t see it this way, but I do, so fuck off. While living in my car, I didn’t have a set goal, like I do now for the surgery, but I was able to afford the things I wanted and live my life in a happy manor.
Q) Where will you shower?
A) I prepaid for a 2 year gym membership at 24 Hour Fitness through this offer at Costco for $299. That works out to just under $12.50 a month. I’ve NEVER seen a gym deal that good ever. This also gets me in the gym more often, aka every day in order to work out and subsequently shower.
Q) Are you crazy?
A) Read this. Short answer no, I just don’t think the same way, or have the same priorities as you may have.
Q) How soft is cement?
A) Not at all. After my 1st night on the streets, I need to get some sort of padding, or more cushy sleeping bag.
Q) What about a hostel, or cheaper place to live?
A) A hostel in San Francisco is around $25-$45 a night, and thus more than I was paying for rent before. I want to get to my goal of $8,000 as fast as possible. This is the quickest way I know. Check out this listing for apartments in San Francisco. Do you see ONE which is less than the $775 I was paying?
Q) Where does your mail go? Where do you keep your stuff?
A) I got a PO Box 1 block away from work, and I have a friend who has graciously offered his garage to me for a 2nd time since moving to San Francisco during this period to store my stuff.
Q) Are you gay?
A) Umm yes read this.
Q) How long will this last?
A) I am trying to save up the $8,000 needed for just the abdominoplasty part of the surgeries I want. This will take around 6 months by saving on my own. I would LOVE to get all of three procedures done at the same time, but the cost is around $15,000 for all three. The tummy tuck is the one considered most prominent by the doctors I’ve seen and thus it is the one I want the most.
Q) What can I do to help?
A) Well I am taking donations on this site, just click the Nick Tuck logo. Also if you have a place to crash for a night, few nights, etc. I’ll sleep in a garage, couch, backyard, etc I don’t care. Anything is better and safer than sleeping on the streets. Other than that referrals to Doctors who might perform the operation at a lower cost/pro bono, or just an encouraging word or email goes a long way.
Q) How much are you saving per month?
A) Well with my estimated expenses and based on my income, I am able to save around $1,500 a month, which is around 5 months and a few weeks to reach my goal. I am also trying to cut back as much a possible, and spend less than $20 a day on food and all other expenses. You can follow a Twitter account I made for that goal here (@20aDay). Also my main Twitter account is @NickStarr and I have one for my procedure @NickTuck.
I hope this answers a majority of the questions I have been getting in some fashion or another. Please feel free to leave more in the comments, on Twitter, Facebook, etc and I will add them to this list.
Updated:
Q) Why don’t you buy a junk car and park in a paid parking lot? (Mary from the comments)
A) Mary you most likely don’t live in San Francisco. Parking lots in the city range from $300+ per month in terms of parking. I HIGHLY doubt that they allow for people to live in cars in these lots either. Paying al this extra money for expenses which I don’t need such as a car, registration, insurance, and a garage will set me even further back on my goals.
Tags: ca, Homeless, lipo, q&a, surgery, tummy tuck, weight, weightloss
